#27: Kelly, Type 5 — Unnecessary Emotions, Rejection-Attachment Relationship Dynamics, Doing My Own Thing
Kelly Ayadi [SO/SX 5w6 512] is frequenter of online Enneagram forums and a somewhat more "relational" type 5 than might be typical, given her double-people instinctual stacking and 2 fix. In this conversation, we talk about her childhood "doing her own thing" and her relationship with her 9 partner, her kids, and her family. Kelly's framing of certain emotions as "unnecessary" is illuminating, as is her relationship with expressing love in a way that reaches the other person and appreciation for acts of kindness from her partner. I feel this conversation is very helpful in showing how 5s differ from 9s, and more broadly how 5s operate in relationship via rejection in the mental center.
Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/my3JxeaIHvM
Get Typed: https://www.enneagrammer.com/get-typed
The Enneagram School: https://www.theenneagramschool.com/
2:42 Little Kelly
5:45 Kelly's work at dept of human services
8:19 Conversation anchorpoints
9:13 "Professional student," doing my own path, not having to deal with outside noise & relationships
13:13 People-y stacking "vs" 5 private, uncooperative
15:51 Drone operator as 5 metaphor
17:26 Not wanting to be touched; doing own thing
21:58 What is my "own thing"? People fascination
24:32 Partner as specimen(?)
27:18 Withdrawing in relationship, won't compromise self
30:35 Our Courtship; defending me online was "unnecessary"
35:16 Rejection-Attachment dynamic in relationship; appreciating "unnecessary" kindness
41:52 Untouchable independence; emotional neutrality
44:19 Unpacking "Unnecessary"
46:54 Fantasy of lower emotionality everywhere
49:43 Not entering other's frame (Avarice); non-reciprocal expectations: "you come to me, I don't go to you"
53:15 First relationship I *want* to make work; becoming more flexible?
59:37 Entering others frame as rejection type
1:02:16 Painful learning I wasn't a "Nurturing" mom
1:05:27 I want to be loving but don't know how
1:10:15 Were you nurtured? Did it matter?
1:13:46 Pain of not being seen as competent; disconnect about "What matters?"
1:20:26 Pain being the black sheep the "off" one
1:22:00 A good moment with her father
1:24:36 Kelly/Josh's responses to her "heartwarming" story
1:29:43 Intellectually framing experience before I can feel it - what's helped?
1:33:05 What's this been like for you?
Music by Coma-Media from Pixabay
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