Reach Out

#27: Kelly, Type 5 — Unnecessary Emotions, Rejection-Attachment Relationship Dynamics, Doing My Own Thing

Kelly Ayadi [SO/SX 5w6 512] is frequenter of online Enneagram forums and a somewhat more "relational" type 5 than might be typical, given her double-people instinctual stacking and 2 fix. In this conversation, we talk about her childhood "doing her own thing" and her relationship with her 9 partner, her kids, and her family. Kelly's framing of certain emotions as "unnecessary" is illuminating, as is her relationship with expressing love in a way that reaches the other person and appreciation for acts of kindness from her partner. I feel this conversation is very helpful in showing how 5s differ from 9s, and more broadly how 5s operate in relationship via rejection in the mental center.

Watch on YouTube:

Get Typed:

The Enneagram School:



0:00 Intro

2:42 Little Kelly

5:45 Kelly's work at dept of human services

8:19 Conversation anchorpoints

9:13 "Professional student," doing my own path, not having to deal with outside noise & relationships

13:13 People-y stacking "vs" 5 private, uncooperative

15:51 Drone operator as 5 metaphor

17:26 Not wanting to be touched; doing own thing

21:58 What is my "own thing"? People fascination

24:32 Partner as specimen(?)

27:18 Withdrawing in relationship, won't compromise self

30:35 Our Courtship; defending me online was "unnecessary"

35:16 Rejection-Attachment dynamic in relationship; appreciating "unnecessary" kindness

41:52 Untouchable independence; emotional neutrality

44:19 Unpacking "Unnecessary"

46:54 Fantasy of lower emotionality everywhere

49:43 Not entering other's frame (Avarice); non-reciprocal expectations: "you come to me, I don't go to you"

53:15 First relationship I *want* to make work; becoming more flexible?

59:37 Entering others frame as rejection type

1:02:16 Painful learning I wasn't a "Nurturing" mom

1:05:27 I want to be loving but don't know how

1:10:15 Were you nurtured? Did it matter?

1:13:46 Pain of not being seen as competent; disconnect about "What matters?"

1:20:26 Pain being the black sheep the "off" one

1:22:00 A good moment with her father

1:24:36 Kelly/Josh's responses to her "heartwarming" story

1:29:43 Intellectually framing experience before I can feel it - what's helped?

1:33:05 What's this been like for you?


Music by Coma-Media from Pixabay




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