Reach Out

#24: Alexandra, Enneagram 9 — Triple-Attachment Life, Choosing What's "Mine," & Discovering Friendship Intimacy

Alexandra Arroyo-Acevedo [SO/SP 9w1 963] is a brilliant Enneagram thinker with a very evocative and inspiring triple attachment life story. There’s no one I trust more to explain Attachment from the inside. Alexandra’s insights have been transformative for me, and for many in our community. Find her on the Big Hormone Enneagram podcast, on YouTube doing Enneagram breakdowns of the Bachelorette, and on her website, where you can book a natal chart reading with her as well.

Alexandra's Website:
Alexandra's YouTube:
Big Hormone Enneagram Podcast:

The Enneagram School:
Josh Lavine:

Watch on Youtube:


0:00 Intro

3:49 Attachment Support Group Plug

6:03 What happened the first time we tried this interview

10:05 What's different now?

13:23 The importance of being witnessed in playful unself-conscious states

17:08 Prompt: Alexandra’s life story as an SO Bermuda 9

18:56 I was passively accepting, not "choosing" friends / romantic partners

20:42 "Who am I to say no?" - absence of red flags, not looking for green flags; unpacking the word “danger”

24:43 Ex-fiance was "safe"; passively accepted his proposal (!); Attachment: saying yes to the possibility that we could one day be on the same page

29:50 Social 9 -- Not revealing my full mind when others’ eyes gloss over; my inner self not a match for my environment, so I don't put it out there; why 9 needs to go to 3

35:22 Attachment victimhood self-deception: "You're not making space for me" vs I'm withholding myself

37:24 Prolonging relationship: "I was really good at dividing myself”

39:03 The "atomic bomb,” meeting John; Alexandra’s self-revival through online chats about Enneagram; going to New York “the first real action ever took for myself;” framing it to myself as "It's no big deal, if it doesn't work out, I'll just come back home" preemptive defense against being affected

46:20 Numbness prevents 9 from realizing how hungry their soul is; lifeforce has intelligence independent of personality re: what's nourishing / renewing for it

50:58 The lightning strike moment, radical (fast!) change, and the illusion that I've conquered attachment

57:01 How Attachment patterns crept back in

1:00:45 Being anchored to a new rung on the consciousness ladder; not wanting to abandon your new self-sense

1:02:48 Ambivalence toward astrology from being pinned as an "astrology person" -- private sacred interest now exposed to gaze that revs attachment/performance engine

1:08:55 The "practice" of unself-conscious play

1:10:28 Autonomy insistence of 9; making free choices without pressure; knowing that a choice is "mine," made by me

1:13:59 John's mirroring of me to myself, yet constantly re-attuning to what I'm excited by

1:19:05 Social intimacy, choosing and being chosen from your constituted center, grief about emotionally distant friendships, that pattern changing

1:27:41 Sweet Friendship moments

1:30:47 What's this been like? (& how long it took to get this interview, ha!; sign off)


Music by Coma-Media from Pixabay




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