#21: Sarah, Type 9 – Positive Outlook Spin, Blurring Fantasy & Reality (and Gaslighting), and Finding Your No [SO/SP 9w1 937]

Sarah [SO/SP 9w1 937] is getting her PhD in psychology en route to becoming a therapist. In this conversation, Sarah is quite open and courageous in sharing what it's like for her on the inside of her "swirly 9-7 stem" energy and speaking style and her positive outlook vibes. We also how she accidentally gaslights partners without knowing it, because of how she can blur inner fantasy with outer reality. (I love this part.) We also hit a really interesting conversational glitch that put both of our type patterns on display. We unpack this in a follow up conversation, so stay tuned for round 2.

Josh's Links:
www.theenneagramschool.com
www.joshlavine.com

Sarah's Links:
Music: https://open.spotify.com/artist/0ttrZbIpLCXW7hjanhv7H8
Music: https://slagoona.bandcamp.com/
Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/3x6KJ6TppG3LC9ySqFDLOs
Insta: https://www.instagram.com/slagoona_/

Watch Interview on YouTube: 
https://youtu.be/g6kqGXegvB0

Timestamps:

0:00 Intro

2:16 Getting typed, Sarah's typing journey

12:35 Positive outlook of Sarah's 9-7 stem; the facebook group's reaction to her "was an emotional event"

15:56 3 fix, wanting to be / be seen as competent, "let me join the cool kids," show people I can hang

20:02 Sarah's swirling inner cauldron of associations speaking style

22:22 One reason 9s identify as 4

23:23 Eating disorder, psychological function of controlling my attractiveness... but being labeled "sexual blind"; beauty standards more social than sexual

25:39 Why are you a 9 and not a 4? Attachment

29:14 Tone policing as SO 9w1 "asking" the environment to hold me better (socially)

30:24 Attachment to disconnect in long-term relationship; Fantasy & wanting/hoping others will show up differently

36:16 Anger as "no," finding your no

39:12 Positive Outlook "spin"; "People can't worry about me" -- I have to be okay; performative empathy/positivity "vs" sincere optimism

45:42 Unprocessed negativity comes out in close relationships (mom, partner); "I would save that all for them"; the Security Point

53:50 The fantasy image of a relationship, blurring fantasy and reality

57:17 Gaslighting & fantasy; the little girl hoping, "maybe maybe maybe," wishing reality will manifest my fantasy; "But it's always been this way" in my mind

1:03:20 The moment: How are you feeling right now? A disconnect -- a splash, a disruption of the social groove ... and the next few minutes, navigating this

1:05:34 I need others to be listening to me well, so I can be clear in my thinking

1:09:31 Saturated in presence vs dispersed

1:14:29 Power being grounded, concentrated, or "up" and dispersed; tapering

1:18:47 Sarah expressing anger at me! (yes!)

1:20:36 Tapering demo; attachment dynamic: building bridges to others' inner worlds, not trusting they'll want to come to mine

1:23:26 The pain of separating, having melded into this conversation. A mini grief.

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Music by Coma-Media from Pixabay

Coma-Media: https://pixabay.com/users/coma-media-24399569/ 

Pixabay: https://pixabay.com/ 

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