#16: Kier, Type 3 – Hiddenness and Secrecy, Avoiding Introspection Through Constant Activity, and Not Giving Up on the Heart [SO/SP 3w2 358(267)]
Kier is a trial lawyer, dad, and frequent commenter on Enneagram discussion boards like the Enneagrammer Universe Facebook group. This is our second conversation — we didn’t publish the first one for reasons we explore in the interview. This is a really special conversation that captures a 3 (and 3w2, 358 trifix no less) freshly embarking on the journey of interior excavation, exploring his sensitivity, and asking questions like, “Why the secrecy?” “What am I really afraid of?” Really, really good stuff.
Josh’s websites:
https://www.joshlavine.com/
https://www.theenneagramschool.com/
https://enneagramexpressions.com/
YouTube version of Interview:
Timestamps:
0:00 Intro
0:30 Plugs: The Enneagram School & Enneagram Expressions Library
3:21 Intro to Kier
5:02 Interview Start
8:50 The email exchange btwn me and Kier; his desire to prepare, then softening towards having a more "spontaneously authentic" conversation
11:40 Difficulty with spontaneous authenticity; "I don't spend much time processing my internal state"; avoidance through activity
14:54 Mistyping as 8 & "Coming out as a 3"; Kier's childhood, family history of depression, a major car crash
19:16 Needing to be the strong one very young; didn't have a chance to be a vulnerable little kid; trained myself not to need what I wasn't getting
25:26 This being fresh / new territory for Kier; lots to excavate; my life set up to PREVENT excavation
30:08 ”Coming out as a 3" -- Kier's email; "I feel like a cat that's used up 7 lives already." "I'm just a bleeding heart type, I hope nobody notices”
32:42 What was it like to been seen through, and what's the nature of your sensitivity?; Sensitivity to being surprised, resistance to spontaneity... (image commentary here?)
38:22 Kier’s softening over our email exchange; the importance for Kier of Josh letting Kier's concerns be okay
41:00 Hiddenness, secrecy, paranoia; ”The heart can be so easily denied"; "People can always thwart a 3's objective by refusing to give admiration”
46:20 Cultural dynamics regarding the Heart
51:44 3 as heart blind heart type being “part of the problem”
55:20 workaholism, being "human doing"
59:39 what would surface if you slowed down? are you motivated to keep digging?
1:03:50 Kier’s "I'm not giving up speech" (see end)
1:08:37 The yolk
1:10:44 how are you feeling now?
1:13:55 More on conversational dynamics from last time
1:18:31 Thanks for pulling back the hood; we've done our job because it's uncomfortable
1:19:59 Kier’s Oscar Winning "I'm Not Giving Up" Speech
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Music by Coma-Media from Pixabay
Coma-Media: https://pixabay.com/users/coma-media-24399569/
Pixabay: https://pixabay.com/
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