Reach Out

#13: Gray Cietek, Type 3 – Socially Tracking Others, Truly "Seeing" Others, and the Heart's Silent Communication Underneath Words [SO/SP 3w4 368]

Gray and I have similar typing, and in this episode we explore what social 3 is "really wanting," underneath the stereotypical social 3's polish and comportment. This conversation gets to the heart of the Social 3 in a way that meant a lot to me personally. Enjoy.

Gray's YouTube Channel:

My website:

YouTube version:


0:00 Intro

3:05 Dropping in as social 3s; "camera on!" "I want to be real, but that doesn't mean my brain agrees that that's safe"; comfort in the metaconversation

6:22 Enneagram origin story; "essence" orientation & you're doing your type every 5 seconds; "I have to be an emblem of value"

13:07 3 going to 6; Sense of responsibility to bring this knowledge into the world; Surrendering your sword to something higher..

21:29 Triple-reactive adjacent 3 -- romanticizing my reactivity to make it an image I want to have, to give myself permission to be that way

30:57 Tracking other people

34:09 Gray's 6-fix inner ping pong ball, saying something and then reacting to what she just said, without prompting

36:14 9-fix vs 8-fix experience of social "vibe"; how secondary 6-fix supports Gray's "tracking"

44:40 Awareness of eyes on you; 8th grade performance story

50:15 Heart center & the gaze; when we're looking from behind our eyes at each other, all of a sudden, here we are together

52:56 What the social 3 is *really* wanting (!) beyond the song and dance (which is a bid for this)

56:45 Grief that the world is so dry of heart; frustration in the heart space

1:03:34 The "role and purpose of 3," according to Gray; seeing people accurately

1:09:55 Seeing & admiring preciousness; yet resisting "going there" with people

1:14:33 3's need for psychological safety as a precondition to show up -- and the growth for 3s to be authentic to BRING ABOUT psychological safety; risking being missed (the initial miss, to happen again)

1:21:12 What's this been like for you?


Music by Coma-Media from Pixabay




#enneagram #enneagramtypes #enneagram3 #enneagramtype3 #enneagraminterview