Joseph Stalteri on Being a 4: Frustration in the Heart Center, the Resting Attitude of Disdain, and Seeking Refined Social Intimacy (SO/SX 4w3 461)
Joseph Salteri is a Type 4 (SO/SX 4w3 461) and is part of the team that runs Enneagrammer.com. He wrote all of the (excellent) content on the Enneagrammer website, including the written typing test, and he is one of the trio of typing experts that runs Dark Arts Academy -- weekly classes where they take you under the hood of their experiential typing process by typing a celebrity in real-time. This conversation explores how Joseph experiences being a core frustration type in the heart center and why that results in a "resting attitude of disdain." The heart center is fundamentally about how we experience and express our identity, and Joseph's opening quote strikes me as what the 4 as a heart type is about: expressing my likes and dislikes as a way of "showing you who I am."
Joseph's writing: https://www.enneagrammer.com/
Joseph on Dark Arts Academy: https://www.enneagrammer.com/members-home
Enneagram[mer] Universe Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/enneagrammeruniverse
YouTube Version: https://youtu.be/m-W0mbzPTXs
4:14 Enneagram origin story
10:07 What makes you care so much about the Enneagram?
14:14 Disdain as a "natural resting state," but sometimes things surprise me
17:40 Enneagram at a head vs heart level; "as a heart type, the heart is blocked;" 4s are emotionally guarded, not "emotionally wet and open"
19:50 Not expecting to be "seen," only wanting to be seen by a certain kind of person (that I like)
22:17 What feeds your heart? -- music; also, heart talk making me want to vomit
24:48 On playing classical piano: I didn't "cultivate" musicianship -- "If it's work, I don't do it;" 3 vs 4 orientation to "work" or where I spend time
26:40 On playing piano for others: "Audiences are trash;" 4 not expecting to be seen, yet "I'd love for someone to hear/pay attention to me playing music that I love:" "The music IS me."
29:39 Joseph's love for classical music, Beethoven
31:16 Sincere love of X "vs" the image of being the kind of person who loves X
33:12 things you love that don't fit your image, and things that fit your image that you don't love; (e.g. admitting that I like harry potter -- "ew" why? retrospectively justifying it within my self-image)
37:31 Relationship with inner work: not doing inner work consciously... not really connecting with the spiritual side of the enneagram (& how that's helped with typing)
43:19 Journey as a gay man; coming out as a 4 vs 3; not being capable of lying for long; the gay "brand" being 7-ish; not attaching to staples of the gay world (frustration)
47:32 4's relationship with community and belonging -- subconsciously not feeling like I belong anywhere; social type fomo, wanting to have social contact, but only of a certain kind
50:58 Belonging I n Enneagrammer Universe community? wanting to curate an uncontaminated social place where there's nothing I don't like; the fantasy of a boundaried, space
55:50 Participating in public forums vs participating in "your" community that you helped create -- similar fantasy still at play, similar frustration and expectation of disappointment
57:34 Frustration as a powerful motivator
58:55 The image of being disdainful -- "It feels true" -- the importance of it being true; a way of revealing myself
1:03:21 Expressing that you love or hate something both showing you who I am
1:04:44 Catching myself being inauthentic (3 vs 4)
1:07:31 If I'm not telling you the truth, it's because I don't care enough to get into it with you
1:11:03 3 vs 4 navigating moment to moment the desire to be seen in a particular way
1:14:17 Awareness of how you're seen in the facebook group; assuming people love David and Emeka more
1:17:25 Fearing I'll get into a conversation with someone and be disgusted by them, or disappointed by their taste; 4-1 stem severity, avoiding contamination, everything is a likely contaminant
1:23:00 What's this been like for you? Hard talking about myself, not about "types" in abstractions; my instinct is to hide, to not want to expose myself; have to get past the assumption that you won't understand me & the disdain layer (of you, of this, etc) in order to answer the question from a real place
Music by Coma-Media from Pixabay Coma-Media: https://pixabay.com/users/coma-media-24399569/