Reach Out

#8: Dr. Mary Bates, Type 6 – Core Sense of Responsibility, the Practice of Making Deliberate Mistakes, and How to Know When to Stop Brushing the Dog (SP/SO 6w7 692)

Dr. Mary Bates is a Type 6 (SP/SO 6w7 692) primary care doctor, writer, and mother of 2. Mary discovered she is a 6 with the help of the Enneagrammer typing team after having mistyped as a 2 and a 9, the other two types in her trifix. More than anything, this conversation awoke in me a new reverence the 6’s sense of sacred responsibility and “core of humanity,” which permeates Mary’s life and way of being — both as a doctor, and as an inner anchor for her in surviving major childhood trauma. Our conversation also opened up interesting questions about what anxiety “really” is. Enjoy.

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0:00 Intro

3:15 Enneagram Origin Story, mistyping as 2 and 9; discovering I’m a 6

10:17 “In my defense" - "I've thought of everything"; not wanting to be exposed for having not thought of something

12:17 On realizing I was an anxious person; finding better words for "anxiety" - what really is anxiety?

16:46 692 the "healing trifix" - doctor fit

18:51 How do I know when to stop brushing the dog? -- "Have I covered everything / thought of everything?"

19:49 The pleasure of looking behind the curtain, "what's really going on here?" (a hugely overlooked and essential gift of the 6)

21:46 Exploring anxiety as the question: "How do I know when to stop X?" E.g. stop over-analyzing, looking around the corner, finding another answer, etc

24:49 A perfect 6 story - "Should I pull over to read the text?"

27:03 What helps with the indecision of 6? "Taking yourself by the hand and doing it even though it's scary" 

29:25 The practice of making deliberate mistakes; what a "practice" really is, custom practices for your nervous system

32:03 Reactivity, being provocative, negative; "If something needs to be said, I'll say it"

38:28 Duty, responsibility, and concern as core ways of being

41:04 Double super-ego trifix. "If I feel I can, I must”; Why is it hard to shirk responsibility?

43:51 6-9 stem and anti-narcissism - "Whatever you want for dinner" -- "sure" -- realizing that it's annoying!

47:59 Justifying localizing myself by the reasoning that it makes me less burdensome to others

53:07 Silence (a beautiful moment of...)

57:14 Mary's survival of capital “T” Trauma, - the “inner core of humanity” that sustained her

1:01:11 Doctor as vocation; the "gnosis" of realizing: “I could be a doctor!”; 692 trifix singing through your life

1:06:16 "You didn’t ask me what it’s like to be introduced!" (ha!) 6-ish anticipation & response

1:08:27 Conclusion


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